Absense

in a relationshipthere is always a moment. a moment where you are going to separate or not. even if you stay together for the next 5 years you are separated. the moment with h. was the glass throwing incident, for example. the moment with dd was the day the inspecteur came in and yelled at me. you come home crying, you know, and that person cannot reach you. you have moved onto the next step. they could join you but they won't. or you don't want them to. or the moment he graduates from yale law with big smile and a diploma. college sweetheart in tow. smile for the camera. the pain, for example, is the awareness that he will not be joining you as you advance to the next step. (it's so painful). (unless of course he's a "jerk").

it's so incredible, this psychic moment.

apparently ceryss saw me crying on the street walking through town. she went home and told all of her friends (generating intrigue and obsession) and dd's incessant texts about "why" i was crying walking around town. I frankly did not even know why. (I didn't know I would be quizzed on it later).