Absense

Time to snuggle up for a story.

So. There was this guy I met in france who elected himself boyfriend of my life. For a while he was "in love" like getting jealous of any guy that looked at me. So romantic. One time he gave me a huge blue (beautiful) scarf from Morocco. He said "I have been thinking about you. I want to have a relationship with you." (Excuse my blunt translation). For effect he wrapped the scarf around my head. Like a real Muslim woman. I tried to say "It is impossible for us to be together" first because I could not understand a word he said. Second because I want to move back to the USA the land of big macs and hybrid toyotas. Third because I will never ever convert to Islam. Fourth because this boner poking into my leg is pretty much making me puke. My lack of attraction to him seemed to not be relevant in our courtship (or rather, our relationship). My feelings toward him were also INCONSEQUENTIAL.

So. One time he was like "Friday is my birthday." I guess I thought to myself like "Is this guy serious" like the writing was on the wall; how poorly matched we were. So Friday came and I was busy holed up in my room. I am sure he knocked and I couldn't take my eyes off the wall I was staring at so did not respond. Eventually he was like "You didn't even say happy birthday". I was like are you kidding me. So I was like "Happy Birthday" you big baby.

One time he was like "When is your vacation" I was like I don't know. Even though I knew exactly; I had two weeks off every month it seemed. He was like "Where do you want to go" on our like big romantic getaway. He was like "Sweden? The French Riviera? Denmark?" Although the Scandanavian countries, he pointed out, he would have to apply in advance for a VISA. I was like "I can go to any country I want" seeing the irony in the whole situation. Like, You: Speak arabic. Pray to Allah. Look like a terrorist. Me: Speak Inglish. Dresses poorly. Says embarassing things. A friendly American girl. A ball of fun!

Once he was commenting on the US's poor relationship with Syria. I was like "Where is Syria".

Guess what; he found out I had lied about not knowing when I had vacation and he was mad.

Fast forward to one weekend he comes back from Paris with a little charm of the Eiffel Tower. I think he bought it at the French equivalent of Claire's Boutique but I was like "Thank you". It was like the size of my pinky nail and fake gold. Yeah, just a charm. With no chain or anything. So I was like "How sweet of you." At this moment he starts to lash out. He has had it up to here with me. It all came out. He was like "You never get me gifts, and I buy you gifts all the time." the list goes on. However one offense was particularly naughty. He heard whatshisface's voice in my room late at night. "C'est quoi ca?" he's going. And "frankly," he speaks mostly by innuendo, "there are some things I have heard about you that..." Oh! Can we play Jeopardy on my life; Wait, let me guess the slutty things I have been up to Jalil. Was it ____'s dick you heard I have been sucking? Or, probably _____'s. I can't even remember; all the same to me! A dick for a dick in my country... AMERICA! I was like "Oh beautiful, for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain; for purple mountain's majesty; above the fruited plains!"

Anyway, back to the story. I guess that is it. He wrote me an email when I got home. I just cannot write back. It has been 7 months now and I will never write back to Abdel. That night he talked down to me like I was a scummy woman. His misogynist venom unmistakeable. Now; I have a memory of him. At this moment I have on the big blue scarf (it's gorgeous). And, you know, I hate to say it, but I still have the charm of the Eiffel Tower. Am I so cruel for dissing his present on the internet? No, his present sucked because of its motives! He wanted everything from me, my love, my ability to reproduce, my commitment to our family, my promise to be faithful to him and never degrade him. He lost me at "What is your favorite color". Because I think I said green anyway and he brings home this blue scarf. Probably from his running supply of fake gifts. I hope Allah will not punish me for slandering Abdeljalil on my blog.