Absense

In high school in the basement of someone's parent's condo, one of my friends fucked Gio Cacciapoli. Our other friend was sleeping, or pretending to, 5 yards away. She told me it was traumatic to see "that side" of our friend. I know what you mean. Same thing with Madge fucking Alex not remembering poor celibate Nicci sleeping on the floor. In my dreams I see a side of my friends I would rather not. Even to the point of 'fucking' impossible as it may be. Bizarre.

Have had no inner monologue for a few days. Last night I was in a sort of heaven. I have no memory. I look at people I used to know, or know of. and I refuse to recognize them. I half smiled at a girl yesterday. I can be so nice. I ostracized a stranger cruelly, in front of people, who has probably spent half his life feeling ostracized and different. What the fuck is wrong with me? Our lifestyle is breeding ground, for this type of thing.

I cannot differentiateanything now. Big lifestyle change and I can't feel what has changed. The first few days I was like "this is great". The last thing I remember was sitting on my bed telling her how great it was. I was halfway wasted. Driving is a challenge too. I have to stay in control of myself. I spent alot of time thinking of my $100 dollar bill disappearing. Gee whiz you think one of these days I could cash it. but for now it's in my condom drawer.

Make like a foetus and abort
Make like an abortion and feed us

- 16 bitch pile up

I hope the reference doesn't offend anyone. These days I don't say crude things. any curse word is fine except for vulgar woman curses.